and He said surely I am with you.

why must
my heart be dead

where is
   the difference
   the fruit
   the change
   the joy 
they all said would 
   happen.

why must
You be silent

are You
   teaching me
   hearing me
   molding me
   strengthening me
like they all said You would
   do.

why must
i chase all things irrelevant

where is
   the purpose
   the satisfaction
   the resistance
   the abandon
they all said would
   become part of me.

why must
trust come in small doses

am i
   holding back
   clinging to idols
   pushing You away
   loving evil
because they never said it would
   be so hard.

why must
i wait for You

are You
   on the way
   working despite me
   on my side
   with me
like my human nature says You are
   not.

but truth
but truth tells me

You are
   my refuge.
You are
   worth waiting for.
You are
   trustworthy.
You are 
   here.

and my heart

   is helped.