Hope

“The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

Such are Jesus’ words to Peter in Mark 14.  At this particular stage in my life, no better words could be said to describe me; in fact, after studying the life and character of Peter, I realize that I almost fully identify with him.

Peter was enthusiastic, indignant, often outspoken, and during much of his early ministry, a coward.  I feel like I could easily take out the name “Peter” and insert my own name.  My study Bible states it quite simply-“he swung like a pendulum, bold and courageous at one moment, yet cowardly when it really counted.”  The most prominent example of this, of course, is his denial-not once, but thrice-of knowing Jesus or being associated with him.  He talked quite the talk, consistently reminding Jesus that he loved Him and had sacrificed so much for Him, yet his actions did not add up to his weighty declarations.  I can only infer that his heart was far from where it needed to be to truly humble himself before Christ and submit to Him.  Jesus recognized this from the beginning, and even knew in advance where Peter’s heart lay; however, Jesus never gave up on Peter.  He more than tolerated him; he loved him, included him, and handed him responsibility on more than one occasion.  

I am Peter, and it's frustrating.  I am enthusiastic, mouthy, and outwardly a follower of Jesus Christ.  I see so many characteristics of Peter in myself, and I hate that I am so far from the kind of living I owe to God.  My heart hurts when I hear the words, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” resounding as if God had spoken them directly to me instead of Peter, because I want to be strong.  I love God immensely, yet I am so frail when it comes to living a life that reflects that love.  I see God blessing me in so many ways and providing for me, and it stirs up the strangest of emotions because I know that I am the least deserving.  The most terrible part of it is that the life I live is not acceptable.  I am expected to imitate Christ, and live a life of progressively becoming more like Him.  The more I mature and grow, the more I see in myself that is sinful and rebellious.

However.

That is probably the most beautiful word in the English language.   I am everything I mentioned before, and Peter is everything I mentioned before, however, but,  Peter did not die a coward.  Peter did not spend every year of ministry in a place where the very placement of his heart was questioned.  By the time he wrote his letters, he had changed radically.  His writings reflect his humility, subservience, self control, wisdom, and purity.  He epitomizes what it means to be taken through an arduous journey of change.  He is the embodiment and representation of hope-the hope that God can transform, renew, and recreate.

I love that I am Peter, because I know that I will not always be the person I am now.  If God can change the heart of Peter, he can change mine.  While on this earth, I will always be a sinner.  However, God has promised to carry onto completion His good work in me, and I trust in this.  He did it for Peter, whom He loved.  I, too, am loved by God.  It is inexplicable, but I know His love for me is long, wide, deep, real, and unconditional.  Because of this, I know I will not remain who I am today.  The Lord has promised to mold my heart, and I am ready and willing for this to take place; in fact, I am sure it is taking place in ways I cannot yet see or understand.  I have full hope in the Lord’s abilities and intentions, and I look forward to the day when it becomes apparent that I am not who I once was.